Five. Already??

Below are some excerpts from birthday posts for Max since 2010. 

April 11^th, 2010 – Birth Day

Our lives have been changed. We are busy, some days we are covered up in chaos. We are unorganized and tired but as I sit here nine weeks after our son was born, finally finishing this post, I am staring at him sound asleep in his swing and know that no matter how messy my bedroom is or how little sleep I’ve had for the last nine weeks, I don’t know how we managed to live so long without him!

February 4^th, 2011 – 365 Days

In the past 365 days I’ve learned that I’m not a perfect Mother, wife or friend. I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn about all three of those roles but I’ve also learned that when I look at the amazing blessing that we call Max, when he smiles, laughs, “talks” and even cries none of that matters because I am the perfect mother for him.

February 4^th, 2012 – Two Much Fun

I never knew how much I would miss getting up in the middle of the night.  I never knew how sweet (and funny) it would be to hear a now two year old Max call us from his bed in the mornings.  I never knew just how much fun toddler boys have.  I never knew how imaginative he would be at two years old.  I never knew that a kid could have so much fun feeding himself.  I never knew how precious it would be to hear him say "Sowwy." I never knew he would love books this much.  I never knew he would melt my heart with, "MOMMY HERE!" when I pick him up at daycare.  I never knew how much he would adore all of the people in his life, including the dog.  I never knew how contagious his belly laugh was.  I never knew I would have this much love in my heart for TWO children!  

February 6^th, 2013 – Terrible 3’s

Then along came Max.  Max had a different learning plan for me.  He wanted me to know the error of my ways.... In a BIG way.  He wanted me to question my ability to raise a boy.  He wanted me to wonder why on earth a kid who has anything he could ever need and more love than he could ever imagine would be having a major meltdown over whether or not the ketchup should go ON the burger or on the plate.  He wanted me to question all of my preconceived notions about little boys and their parents.  He wanted me to wonder how little boys are built with a mechanism in their brain that forced them to laugh at the noises their bodies can make.  I'd like to think he also wanted me to wonder how a three year old has such an incredible imagination and sense of adventure.  He wanted me to learn the art of letting go of things that don't matter.  He wanted me to learn that rain boots are perfectly acceptable attire.  Day or night. Rain or no rain.  He wanted me to learn that stalling at bedtime is just another way of saying, "I love you."  He wanted me to learn that smelly boy kisses and hugs are some of the best kisses and hugs there are and he wanted me to learn that I love you much, MUCH!  Means a love bigger than I would have ever imagined a three year old boy could love.  

February 5^th, 2014 - And Then He Was Four

As I reflect on the last four years and how different my experiences were with each child, I can't help but think I somehow managed to be the luckiest person I know TWICE!  I ended up with two wonderful and incredible children who make my day brighter just by being here.  They are bright, sensitive, good natured and kind.  They are funny, warm and loving and they both make me want to be a better parent in two very different ways. 

Today -

Where did five years go??  No really.  Where??  Where is that sweet baby that rushed into the world in just under five hours, 3 weeks early, a bald head and a set of lungs that could alert the neighbors?  Where did that chubby –cheeked toddler go?  The one who loved his Elmo to a raggedy mess, who could fall asleep with a smile on his face and wake up the same way.  Where did that absolutely adorable two year old go?  The one who gave me the biggest break of my 30’s and potty trained by his second birthday, who constantly made us laugh at all the things that were going through his tiny mind and routinely thanked God for his “everybodies” during his prayers.  I actually don’t want to know where the 3 year old Max went, but am thankful for the learning opportunities he provided us.  

The four year old (at least for a little while longer) Max is tucked in his bed after we snuggled up in the glider that we’ve been reading books in, singing, rocking and chatting in for the last five years.   I told him the story of the night he was born for the hundredth time and he laughed and laughed that the labor and delivery nurse was named Tootie.  He truly is a boy…  Four year old Max is an avid reader.  He is kind, funny and smart.  He is friendly, loving and most of the time completely adorable.  He is full of wonder, laughter and is everything we could have ever wished for in our little guy. 

Four year old Max will be five in just a couple of hours.  Together he and I barely fit in that glider anymore, but the thought of us NOT sitting in that chair every night brings tears to my eyes.  He told me the other night that he will never be too big to snuggle with me in that chair, he wants to sleep in his fire truck bed until he is twenty-seven and will always live in our house and never wants to leave.  Tonight, I think all of those things are perfectly incredible ideas! 

 Dear Max,

On your fifth birthday I want you to know that I think you are absolutely awesome!  Thank you for the very best year full of new challenges, lots of laughter and more fun than I ever thought I would be having.  I cannot wait to see what your 5^th year will be like and am so happy  and feel so incredibly blessed that I get to be a part of it!  I love you much, much!!

Love,

Mommy

And then he was FOUR!

It's true, Mad Max is FOUR!  Every year I write on his birthday and every year I am amazed at how quickly the time has gone by.  It truly seems like yesterday we were preparing for Max's arrival. (Birth Day) I can hardly believe he is really FOUR!

I've mentioned in several posts that my experiences in parenting my now adult daughter and my son could not have been more different.  From the first year (365 Days) I learned that a true good night's sleep was not something most parents of newborns experience and that most babies cry.  A LOT.  There was more learning to be done in year two (Two Much Fun!) when I realized that most toddler boys are crazy little tornadoes just waiting for the opportunity to crash into something, throw something or just make a mess in general.  Year three was a real eye opener.  It was then I realized I was most likely being punished for having a daughter twenty years earlier who was a model child and often made me look at other children and their parents and judge them based on the fact that their child was behaving "badly" in some way.  (Terrible 3's) When parenting my daughter through the toddler years, in my infinite eighteen year old wisdom I often remarked that I was so grateful that  that I didn't have a child who exhibited any kind of obnoxious toddler behavior.

I have spent the last four years learning how to be a different kind of parent.  Learning how different my children are and figuring it out all over again as if I had never done it before.

This year as Max's personality is further developing, I am also seeing just how alike my kiddos are.  Like his sister, Max has quite the sense of humor.  From trying to be funny with made up knock-knock jokes to actually being funny with a sarcasm and wit that he can deliver with charm and a smile.  At barely four years old, I am both impressed and a little concerned for what our future holds with that child as a teenager.  Also like his sister, Max has a way of making your day better.  From a genuine hug or a compliment on how pretty you look on a not so pretty day, he has an incredible ability to bring a smile to your face.  While neither of the kids are excited about chores, both will do what you ask them to do with only eye rolling from the college student and little argument from the very typical four year old.  As I reflect on the last four years and how different my experiences were with each child, I can't help but think I somehow managed to be the luckiest person I know TWICE!  I ended up with two wonderful and incredible children who make my day brighter just by being here.  They are bright, sensitive, good natured and kind.  They are funny, warm and loving and they both make me want to be a better parent in two very different ways.


Dear Max,
I have loved watching you grow into the awesome four year old boy you now are and cannot wait to see what is in store for you!  Thank you for being you!  Thank you for letting me be part of your world and reminding me every night with just one hug that while I may not be a perfect Mom, I am the perfect Mom for you.  Happy Birthday Mad Max!  You're my absolute favorite boy in the history of ever!



Dear Allyssa,
Thank you (AGAIN) for making me a better me.  As we continue to watch Max take in and emulate everything that is wonderful in you, thank you so much for being you and being the kind of person that your brother can look up to.  I love you to the moon and back!

Twenty-One. TWENTY. ONE.

In just a few short hours it will be 21 years to the minute that I knew my baby was going to be born.  I woke up at 4:45 AM on September 7th, 1992 wondering if what woke me out of a dead sleep was a contraction.  It was and at over 42 weeks pregnant I am not quite sure why I was surprised, but I was.  I was in the bedroom I had shared with my younger sister all through high school, in silence and in the dark.  I was still a child myself.  Not entirely sure how to take care of myself, let alone another human being but when that first contraction came an went and another came on a lot quicker than I had anticipated I took a deep breath and decided it was sink or swim, and I was going to swim.  Eight hours three minutes later my sweet pea was born and I've been swimming ever since.  Ironically, 21 years later I am sitting in a dark room in silence.  Thinking that the last 21 years passed far more quickly than I could have ever anticipated.  

I surprised Allyssa with a trip to NYC for her birthday.  As she lay sound asleep in the hotel bed, I can't help but think of what an amazing ride we've had so far.  The early years were such a struggle for me, yet my sweet girl never knew the difference.  She always managed to bring a smile to my face, even when I was crying on the inside.  As she got older and I was reminded on a daily basis that if in fact you believe in God He / She has an incredible sense of humor.  My sweet girl was and is every single thing I love about life.  She is hilarious, kind, generous and fun.  She is has an incredibly sweet spirit, and fun-loving personality and is genuinely an all around great person.  She is also a lot of things that make me wonder if that child of mine wasn't somehow switched at birth.  Where she is calm, I am not.  Where I am organized, she is not.  I am a planner, a thinker, an over-analyzer.  Allyssa, my sweet Allyssa.....  Imagine if you will, a wonderfully tropical place.  Beaches, free flowing music, where everyone is chill and friendly.  A place where all things just happen as they should with little to no intervention. If there were such a place, my sweet girl would be the Mayor!  I used to think I was given this child to teach her how to be more proactive, how to plan ahead, how to be fiercely independent and how to make things happen.  Twenty-One years later I know that I was given this child to learn.  To learn how to relax, how to go with the flow and let things happen as they will.  I needed to learn that sometimes things don't happen in my time fame or the way I think they should happen.  I needed to learn to just be.... and things will work out the way they are supposed to.  I have a long way to go, but I did manage to book a four day trip to NYC and only planned ONE thing.  It is making me a little crazy though.  

So we made it sweet pea.  You are a full fledged adult.  You are more than I could have ever dreamed and then some.  I know I am taking a little longer to learn than most, but luckily we'll have many more years so I can keep practicing.  Thank you for making me laugh, even when I wanted to cry.  Thank you for making me laugh UNTIL I cried.  Thank you for being the best you that you can be and for remembering always that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go.  Thank you for being loyal to me and true to yourself and thank you, thank you for choosing me.  You are the best thing I've ever done without having a clue what I was doing.   

I love you, 
Mom 

TERRIBLE 3's

I really cannot believe that Max is already three!  It is funny to think about how quickly the time has passed but realize how much we have all changed in these three quick years!

Here's my best parenting advice.  If someone tells you the 2's are terrible, they didn't let their child survive to see 3.  Mad Max just turned three.  He is precious.  He is cute and even sweet.  Until you tell him NO.  Then he turns into something that resembles the offspring of a honey badger and the exorcist.  He cries and screams and throws out idle threats like, "You are NOT my best friend!!"  Really, no??  Talk to your sister about what a great friend I was to her.  Or my personal favorite, "I AM NOT OUR KID!!"  HA!  "No Sh*t!  My kid wouldn't act like this!  Honey Badger called and your dinner is ready, scurry home kid!"

I used to be THAT Mom.   My older daughter trained me very well how to be THAT Mom.  She never cried, never threw a tantrum and always did what I asked her to do and most of the time she had a smile on her face.  I was the Mom that heard a kid say, "I am not your kid!"  and thought to myself, "What a spoiled little urchin!  His Mother TOTALLY deserves that little meltdown.  Maybe if she had been parenting instead of _________, or _____________ or ___________________...."   Insert anything there.  You get the idea... 

Then along came Max.  Max had a different learning plan for me.  He wanted me to know the error of my ways.... In a BIG way.  He wanted me to question my ability to raise a boy.  He wanted me to wonder why on earth a kid who has anything he could ever need and more love than he could ever imagine would be having a major meltdown over whether or not the ketchup should go ON the burger or on the plate.  He wanted me to question all of my preconceived notions about little boys and their parents.  He wanted me to wonder how little boys are built with a mechanism in their brain that forced them to laugh at the noises their bodies can make.  I'd like to think he also wanted me to wonder how a three year old has such an incredible imagination and sense of  adventure.  He wanted me to learn the art of letting go of things that don't matter.  He wanted me to learn that rain boots are perfectly acceptable attire.  Day or night. Rain or no rain.  He wanted me to learn that stalling at bedtime is just another way of saying, "I love you."  He wanted me to learn that smelly boy kisses and hugs are some of the best kisses and hugs there are and he wanted me to learn that I love you much, MUCH!  Means a love bigger than I would have ever imagined a three year old boy could love.  

Mission Accomplished Little Man!  You are a terrific teacher!

Dear Max,

Good and sometimes not so good, thank you ALWAYS for being you. Thank you for being funny, imaginative and unique.  Thank you for reminding me every day for the last three years that I am here for a reason, even when I am not exactly sure what that reason is and for showing me a different side of parenting a toddler.  I love every single thing about you, even when we are NOT best friends!

Happy Birthday Mad Max!  I love you much, MUCH! 

Another Year Gone

There are only 13 hours left of 2012... And at first thought, I am happy to see it go. 

Then I reflect. 

I remember the moments in the rocking chair with Max, singing, reading and snuggling.  I think of our failed attempts to have another baby.  I remember the dinners with my sweet daughter whose life seems to be transforming right before my eyes.  I think of our discussions about finances.  I remember the date nights with my wife and the laughter we always seem to find at just the right time.  I think about how differently we sometimes see things.  I think of my very best friend in the world and our two awesome weekends we managed to carve out this year.  I think about missed opportunities to spend time with friends.  I remember our family vacation with three of us and two sets of grandparents in one condo for an entire week and I can't think of a better way for Max to spend a week at the beach hanging out with two of his Grandfathers!  I think about my own grandparents and relive family vacations from my own childhood and am grateful for the time I still have with them.  I think about the people I've lost this year - both literally and figuratively.  The people who were in my life only for a brief period of time for one reason or another and the lessons I've learned from them.  I remember that people are ALWAYS who they show you they are.  Without fail.  So pay attention and surround yourself with people who bring something to your life.  I think about my funny friend Crystal who lost her battle with cancer just two weeks ago.  One of only two people who I can think of that truly shared my love for and appreciated the art of sarcasm.  She was one of the funniest people I had ever met and I feel lucky to have known her.  

I think about all of these things and more and I think want to cherish every single second of these last 13 hours.  It all makes you who you are, so make the most of it. 

Happy New Year Friends!

Twenty Years

Twenty years ago tonight I was on the phone with one of my best friends from high school.  I was just 18 and over 2 weeks past due with my first baby.  I was upset that I hadn’t gone into labor yet and that my doctor was going to induce me the day after Labor Day.  I wanted so badly to have an intervention free labor and delivery and induction would ruin my perfect plans.  My friend reminded me that the next day was indeed Labor Day, so it was only natural that I would go into labor on that day.  We laughed, hung up the phone and I went to sleep.  At 4:45 AM I woke with my first contraction.  I hadn’t even registered to vote yet!  I didn’t know how to have a BABY!  I didn’t know how to be a parent!  I didn’t know how to breastfeed, burp an infant, or make baby food!  I didn’t even know the gender of my unborn child and yet there I was preparing to give birth, to an actual child that I would be responsible for.  I labored at home for four hours and four hours and three minutes later I was holding my sweet daughter in my arms.  Allyssa Breanne was born on Monday, September 7^th, 1992 at 12:48 PM.  Tomorrow / or today depending on when you are reading this blog, my sweet daughter will be twenty years old.  

Pregnant at 17, statistically I should have dropped out of high school, began receiving welfare benefits and gotten pregnant again within 2 years of my child’s birth.  Luckily for both of us, I did none of those things.  I finished high school and a little bit of college.  I did marry the person responsible for the other half of Allyssa’s DNA – but that didn’t last.  I worked hard and stayed broke but I was happy to be broke and independent.  Through birth control and then lesbianism, I even managed to wait 17 more years to get pregnant again.  Statistically, I would have been a mediocre parent at best, but Allyssa had other plans for me.  She was a kind and gentle baby.  She slept well, ate well and played well.  She was calm and relaxed.  I followed her lead and she made me a better parent.  She was a delightful toddler and a fun and energetic child.  She made me love the life I was living regardless of how alone or broke I was.  On some of my very worst days, Allyssa would do or say something to remind me that all I needed to get through that particular moment was that sweet child.  And I got through it… one day, one week, one month, and one year at a time. 

Time went on and my sweet girl never changed.  Fun, relaxed, kind and gentle.  Anyone who has known Allyssa her entire life can attest this is who she has been since the second her little personality developed!  I changed though, I changed a lot.  I went from a scared pregnant teenager to a relatively decent parent.  I gained confidence, independence and determination.  Allyssa raised me right. 

Most parents say they love their children more than life and I am no different.  We all see our precious babies as they were the moment we laid eyes on them and that kind of love never goes away.  But this child, this child gave me new life, taught me more than I could ever write in one blog and truly saved me.  This child saved me from myself.     

Dear Allyssa,
On your first day as a twenty something, I wish for you to look in the mirror for just a few minutes and see what I see.  I hope you see a bright and shining example of what a truly good person should be.  I hope you see an absolutely beautiful young woman on the inside and out, who on many occasions has made a difference in the lives of those around her.  I hope you see the incredible teacher you will become and the wonderful teacher you already are with the children whose lives you touch every single day.  I hope you see a remarkable sister who is a perfect example of the kind of person we hope Max grows into.  I hope you see a genuine friend who means the world to the people closest to her heart and most importantly, I hope you see my little hero, the little girl who made me a better Mom and a better person.  I love you more than I could ever express… All the way to the moon and back!  

Love, 

Mom

Life Keeps Moving

Over halfway through the year....  How does that happen??  One minute you're ringing in the New Year, the next minute it's July.  Funny how time flies. 

I have spent the last several months slowing things down a little, remembering how to say no, and letting things go.  I am choosing my friends much more carefully these days and finally learned the lesson that just because people are in your family of origin, doesn't mean they should be in your life (or on your Facebook.)   Unbeknownst to almost everyone, late last year we decided to try to have another baby.  After four unsuccessful tries (and thousands of dollars) we decided to put that dream away for awhile.  I'm still saddened by it.  I still cry about it sometimes and I still want to kick people in the shins when they say, "Well, at least you have Allyssa and Max."  I know, I know... People are just trying to be nice.  Please don't send me any hate mail.  I get it. 

Life has been less than perfect for the past several months and I am ready for a change.

So, the Bailey's are on the move.  We decided late May to look for a bigger house.  The house we currently live in was my house B.L. (Before Lisa)  It's a great house in a nice neighborhood.  But when I bought it, I thought I would be an empty-nester within 10 years of purchase.  I thought I would have a kid away in college - just me and my dog occupying all that space.  When I chose that house, I never in a million years thought that within 5 years of purchase I would be married.  That I would have multiple step-dogs and only a year and a half after the wedding would have a baby on the way!  And while my other little bird jumped out of the nest, she jumped a little too early and came back.  That being said, with the housing market the way it is, we knew it was both a perfect time for us to get a much bigger house and also to be able to rent our current house. 

We thought it would be the end of the year before we would find what we were looking for since we knew very specifically what we wanted and where we wanted it to be.  We looked at our first three houses on June 2nd.  The second of the three was perfect.  June 6th our contract was accepted and we'll be closing on the new house in just a couple of weeks. 

A bigger house won't keep my calendar clear, it won't keep people from asking me to commit to things I don't want to do.  It won't keep my friends loyal, or make my family normal and it certainly won't bring me a baby.  BUT it will keep me from having a basketball goal and a Little Tikes Tool  Bench in my living room and for THAT I am truly grateful! 

Sometimes things are crappy, sometimes they're not.  Life keeps moving... 

Two Much Fun!

Another blog... that I forgot to publish.  Grrrrr......

Is it just me or did the past two years completely fly by?? It seems like yesterday we were on the ride from hell to the hospital and now... Mad Max is two! It truly is amazing the transformation that happens between birth and two years old. We brought home an almost nine pound baby boy who did nothing but poop, sleep, cry, eat, repeat. Now we have a miniature man who laughs when he passes gas and has no problem telling us what he likes and does not like. He went from waking up every two hours to going to the potty every two hours. From crying the second we removed him from his swing to crying the second we turn off Monsters, Inc. He went from having to be fed and changed, to eating anything and everything in sight with a fork and using the bathroom on his own. All of this in just twenty-four short months! It is truly unbelievable at times.

I never knew what sleep deprivation was until that little man came along. I had never been peed on and had never had to potty train a child. I had never been awakened by the sound of a screaming infant through a monitor and had never had baby vomit on my clothes.  (My sweet daughter was a miraculous infant / toddler.) I never knew just how badly a diaper pail could smell or how little tolerance one child can have for being told no.  I never knew that teething molars could be so miserable. FOR EVERY PERSON IN THE HOUSEHOLD!  I never knew that one small boy could make such incredibly large messes.  I never knew that tantrums really can last for what seems like forever and that sometimes you just have to leave the room that the screaming demon -- oops I mean child -- is occupying.  I never knew that a one year old boy can go from a completely adorable angel to Captain Destructo in less than 60 seconds.  I never knew that ANYTHING can turn into a car or a dinosaur at ANY moment.  One second he's eating an apple slice and the next it's being driven up and down your arm, horn honking and all. 

I never knew how much I would miss getting up in the middle of the night.  I never knew how sweet (and funny) it would be to hear a now two year old Max call us from his bed in the mornings.  I never knew just how much fun toddler boys have.  I never knew how imaginative he would be at two years old.  I never knew that a kid could have so much fun feeding himself.  I never knew how precious it would be to hear him say "Sowwy." I never knew he would love books this much.  I never knew he would melt my heart with, "MOMMY HERE!" when I pick him up at daycare.  I never knew how much he would adore all of the people in his life, including the dog.  I never knew how contagious his belly laugh was.  I never knew I would have this much love in my heart for TWO children! 

Dear Max,

On your 2nd birthday, thank you for being the absolute sweetest boy - even when it's difficult.  Thank you for teaching me that some toys are just more fun when they are being crashed into walls, that sometimes it's fun to eat yogurt with your fingers and that if you're outside and there is a running hose within a three house radius, you should be in it!  Thank you for loving your parents, your sister and your dog and thank you for actually saying it.  And selfishly, thank you for making me look good by saying please and thank you and using the toilet.  You are the best little boy I could have ever hoped for and I hope you still love me and think I am funny for MANY years to come! 

I love you Mad Max!  Happy, Happy Second Birthday!

Road Trip!

I found this blog buried in drafts...  Written in April 2 years ago....

Last week I found myself driving down the interstate, with both of my kids (sleeping) in the car, crying like a baby. I had spent Easter Week (better known as Spring Break 2010) on a road trip with my seventeen year old daughter and my two month old son. I know what you're thinking, that alone is enough to make anyone cry but that wasn't why I was crying. It had been an emotional week for me anyway. Visiting my family does that to me.  Add to that my son was not fond of the long distance travel, so our trip times were doubled to better accommodate him and don't forget to throw in some post-pregnancy hormones.  But all of that didn't bother me as much as thinking about the fact that this would be the last road trip Allyssa and I will take together before she finishes high school and starts a new chapter in her life.

Road trips have long been a tradition for my daughter and I. They used to be out of necessity, since I was a single mother and too broke to fly but now that we have become accustomed to them - we can't wait to take them!  We have MANY road trip memories. Some good... Making the cashier at a drive-thru in Kentucky laugh out loud when we pulled up to the window and I had attached a car air freshener to my ear and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. The MANY times that Allyssa would do "research" on the road trying to determine how many people would wave at a little girl who waved at them first and if the color of ones car had any bearing on their propensity to wave back. The time when she wrote "SMILE" in big letters and put it on the window every time we passed a car and the routine concerts that we would put on for each other as we made the drive to wherever it was we were going. I can see my daughter now... seven or eight years old... Singing her heart out to Shania Twain, country twang and all and asking me in earnest if she did indeed sound like Shania.

And some bad... Being stuck on the side of I-24 for six hours with hundreds of other stranded travelers during a snow storm, subsequently having to stay in a bed and breakfast that Allyssa will tell you was haunted. Traveling to and from with very little money and no room for any kind of incident only to have my car break down somewhere in the middle of Tennessee leaving me with a hotel bill and a car repair of $500+.

We've come a long way since those first few road trips. For one, now I have another driver and sometimes we stay in a hotel on purpose.  My daughter has developed her own taste in music and an incredible sense of humor.  She's gone from a gapped tooth six year old to a beautiful young adult.  She has gone from needing help cleaning her room to volunteering to clean rooms at The Ronald McDonald House and completing a service mission trip in Costa Rica.  I went from a young single mom with three jobs to a married mother of two who often wonders how we ever made it the two of us.  Somehow, (by an act of God) I managed to raise a moderately normal kid with a great personality and a sense responsibility to the world around her. 

Raising Allyssa on my own for the first 15 years was a lot like one long road trip.  We've seen a lot of cool things, we've been through some bad traffic but as I looked over at my sweet and amazing daughter sleeping through the last leg of our road trip I knew the journey truly has been the reward!  Good Lord I love that child! 

Happy New Year!

2012... Does that even seem possible? Time really does just disappear sometimes doesn't it? I can hardly believe that Mad Max is just one month away from turning two and even more unfathomable, my sweet girl will be TWENTY this year! And re-reading that sentence reminds me of how absolutely crazy I am!

2011 was full of many things to be thankful for. Good and bad it all makes us who we are. I, like many other people didn't see my all of my 2011 resolutions to fruition and like those same people I made resolutions again this year. Except this year I decided to make my resolutions more attainable. I am giving up dark liquor and cigarettes. That shouldn't be a problem.

Do you ever wonder why people don't resolve to just be a better version of themselves? It seems like it would be an easy one. Small changes would make the resolution a success. For some of the people in my life, I can help you achieve that goal. (Don't worry, I won't use names!)

For instance, if you don't typically say please and thank you, you could try that. Even part-time manners would be an improvement to no manners at all.

You could stop using social networking sites as a way to gain sympathy from your "friends." I don't know many adults who actually feel sorry for the Poor Me Facebook poster. Remember what you put out is what you get back. Try it, you might like it!

You could stop wondering why your job is crap when your performance is crap. Just a thought.

You could self-reflect - just once or twice and really try to see where your responsibility lies in any given situation. It's very easy just to own up to your mistakes and people will actually... Wait for it... Respect your commitment to honesty and responsibility! Bonus!!

You could lose the passive - aggressive behavior. I've spent thousands on therapy learning how to deal with people like you. It's old, it doesn't work. Try something new.

You could remember to think about how your actions or inactions affect those around you. It's not always all about you.

Once in awhile, you could think beyond today. Unless the world really does come to an end this year, there will be a tomorrow, a next week, month and year. Your behavior today just might affect your tomorrow. Be more mindful of that.

Think about how your actions, behavior and attitude DIRECTLY affect your children. Every day is a lesson for them and it's important to ALWAYS remember, you are showing them how they should behave as an adult. Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.

Tell the truth. Nine times out of ten, we all know you're lying. It makes you look stupid and makes the rest of us angry that you think WE are stupid.

And lastly because this list really could go on forever, just try to do the right thing at least once a day. You have 15-20 hours a day to do it. Fit it in somewhere!

Easy right?? Maybe being a better version of oneself is more difficult than it seems. I'm going to try it. I'll let you know.

Happy Mother's (Women's) Day!

Happy Mother's Day! Many of us have amazing Mothers in our lives, whether they belong to us or not. All of the Facebook posts started me thinking about the incredible women I have in my life.

I have a three wonderful people that play the role of mother for me. The woman that gave birth to me. Bless her heart. She's the one that deserves the credit for my survival. She did allow me to live, even after I borrowed her car (more than once) when I was just 13. (See Not Like Me) She put up with my attitude and hormones. She celebrated my successes and loved me through my failures.

My "other" Mother (aka Step-Mother) came along right as I was at the age of plotting to borrow the car. She married my Dad, even though he had one teenager and two more right behind. She will earn a special place in heaven for that act alone. She too has loved and supported me though all things. She is truly one of the best mothers I know and I have two incredible siblings to show for it!

My Mother-in-law is probably the luckiest of them all. She got the good me. She didn't have to put up with my teenage antics, she never had to discipline me, cover for me or be remotely embarrassed about something I had done. She got me after the others had put in all the work. After I had learned from not only my own mothers, but the other mothers and women around me. She acquired me at my best after the other two had seen and known all about the worst. AND I even took her daughter off her hands! ;)

Thinking about how these three women touch my life on a daily basis made me think about some of the other women who have made a difference to me and mothers or not, I wanted to acknowledge some of them in some small way. Don't panic ladies... in most cases, I won't use names.

My newest friend - who I met on Craigslist. (NO, I wasn't looking for friends - I was looking for a glider.) Your story amazes me every day! You have come back from things that you only see in movies! You are a genuinely kind and wonderful person. You are an amazing mother, wife and friend.

My SoCal to Seattle Friend - You are really my vision of a warrior woman! You are so brave. You have the faith and fearlessness that most women (myself included) only dream about. You keep on going even when things don't go as planned and you never miss a beat.

Max's Workday Mommy - You know firsthand how hard it is to leave your baby at daycare. What you may not know firsthand is how awesome it is to know that your child is completely safe, well taken care of and loved while you are at work. Thank you for loving our little guy Monday - Friday!

My co-worker turned real life friend - You show me every day that you don't have to be SuperMom to be a really terrific Mom! You constantly keep me off the ledge by reminding me that even the very best moms sometimes have to give their kids frozen dinners once in awhile and that none of that matters by the end of the week.

My amazing sister-in-law - We all know what you have had to endure to be part of this family. (Ha!) You are smart, funny and courageous. You are a great Mom and a wonderful Aunt to my kiddos and I am proud to call you my sister!

Max's GodMommies - There really aren't words to explain how we feel about you two! We watched you through your adoption journey and knew that our son deserved Godparents like you. Watching and waiting through your pregnancy made us proud to call you Max's Godparents and our friends. Emersyn is one of the luckiest little girls we know!

The most talented writer I've ever met - You are not only the funniest, most kind and warm person I've ever met you are the only person I've ever met who was granted a divorce on Valentine's Day and had the heart and soul to get married again!

My friend whose heart is in Alaska - You my friend are truly one of the best women I have ever met. You are an incredible mother. You make it look so, so easy. You are a wonderful wife and while I know it's not always easy, you have more determination in your spirit than I will ever have in mine.

Oregon Mother of Three - You have endured what most of us can not even begin to imagine. Yet you went on and continue to be the kind of mother your girls can be proud of.

Last but not ever least... My very best friend on the planet - You have shown me over the last 15 years what true friendship looks like. I know without a doubt you always, ALWAYS have my back. You have dug me out of some pretty dark places and while I will probably never have the opportunity to truly repay you, I do know a few secrets and they are safe with me. Toothbrushes and Weed-Be-Gone. Enough said.

I have many friends and many who are wonderful, incredible and amazing in their own right. I can't acknowledge them all, I have to work in the morning but take a minute today to let some amazing women know how you feel about them. It may just be exactly what they need to hear.

365 Days

Exactly one year ago at this very minute my water broke. This was the first indication that our son would be born two and a half weeks early. Contractions ensued forty-five minutes later and that was a strong indication that we would be having a baby sooner rather than later. Less than five hours after that, our absolutely perfect baby boy was born. (You can read the entire birth story here: Birth Day )

One year later, our lives have changed in ways even we didn't expect. We've had to renegotiate everything in our lives from closet space to sleep. We've modified our work schedules, date nights and free time. We eat at noisy restaurants and plan trips around nap schedules. I learned to change a diaper in record time, but not before I had been peed on at least a hundred times before. I learned to nurse my son not only TO sleep but WHILE I was sleeping. I learned to make baby food and also learned that making Pomegranate Sauce should be left to the professionals. I’ve learned that the human body can survive on much less sleep than I would have ever imagined. I learned that the cry of a baby with colic can sound like the loudest cry you’ve ever heard. I also learned that the lack of sleep combined with that cry can make you cry…. sometimes in public. I learned that leaving your infant in daycare at only 12 weeks is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I learned that nursing my son through his first year of life and working full-time was not as easy as I thought it would be. I learned that sometimes people want to hang out with you just to see the baby. I learned that a baby cutting several teeth at once can drool more than a rabid Saint Bernard and I learned that even an 11 month old can do things you only thought started at “Terrible Two.”

I’ve learned that noisy restaurants don’t matter when all you care about is what your baby is “saying.” I’ve learned that being peed on, puked on and even pooped on can be funny under most circumstances because he’s just so cute, even THAT doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that making baby food made me feel a little closer to Max even when I was scrubbing Pomegranate seeds off the ceiling. I’ve learned that sleep just doesn’t matter as much as it used to. I’ve learned that in the middle of the night, no matter how exhausted I am, my son can look at me with just the slightest smile and I could stay up with him all night long. I learned that sometimes it’s just okay to cry… even in public. I learned that by making the very best possible choice for a daycare provider our son may not get to spend the days with his own Mommy but he gets to spend his days with another amazing Mommy and that is truly the next best thing. I learned that even when I was so busy and preoccupied at work that I actually forgot to attach the bottles to my pump being fortunate enough to be able to continue nursing made it all worth it. I learned that when our friends are more interested in seeing the baby than seeing us it serves as a reminder that the family unit we’ve created is strong, nurturing and stable and will be a wonderful place for Max to grow up. I’ve learned that drool (unless you’re wearing black) is virtually undetectable in a business meeting and I’ve learned that an 11 month old spitting his food out can be entertaining and even comical.

In the past 365 days I’ve learned that I’m not a perfect Mother, wife or friend. I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn about all three of those roles but I’ve also learned that when I look at the amazing blessing that we call Max, when he smiles, laughs, “talks” and even cries none of that matters because I am the perfect mother for him.

Dear Max,

On your first birthday, thank you for giving me one of the best years of my life. Thank you for your sweet smile, infectious laugh, the best hugs and the drooliest kisses. Thank you for making us laugh and reminding me that it’s okay to cry. I hope that when you are old enough to read this you will think that I’ve given you some of the best years of your life too! If not, it’s okay. We’re already saving for therapy.

I couldn’t have dreamt of a more perfect baby boy and I love you more than you will ever know!

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!

Reflections and Resolutions

It’s a New Year! Actually, it has been. For three weeks. There’s no question, 2010 was an amazing year! 2010 showed me a lot of things both about myself and about the people I surround myself with, some good, some bad but each a good lesson.

In February we added to our family with the birth of Mad Max! Our lives have never been the same and I mean that in the most positive of ways! Our family grew in size and strength as we all learned a different way of living life with a newborn in the house. As it turns out, I am much less flexible now than I was when Allyssa was a baby but I’m working on that.

Allyssa… Wow! What a year for her! My baby girl graduated high school in May. I have had hundreds of proud moments with my daughter but that (so far) was one near the top of the list. As I watched Allyssa cross the stage to get her diploma I tried hard to envision her as she was when she had her Kindergarten graduation but somehow the reality of her being a young adult took over and I couldn’t conjure up the image.

In June I moved her in to her dorm and she started a new chapter. Allyssa had a class that day, so I was going to go to the apartment early and she would meet me there afterward. I packed the car on move-in day and drove the 70+ miles in silence. When I got to the school I went to the residential office and got the key. The woman behind the desk said, “You don’t look old enough to have a daughter in college!” With that I burst into tears. It was a long day. I managed to pull it together before Allyssa came home and after the apartment was clean and everything was in its place it was time for me to go back home. Allyssa insisted on walking me to the car, even though I asked her not to since I could already feel the tears coming. As we got to the car I hugged my sweet girl and cried. I told her how much I loved her and how truly proud I was of her. She looked at me and said, “You should be proud of yourself. You got me here.” And with that… I cried some more. I see my daughter mature as the weeks go by and while I will probably always see her as my baby I couldn’t be more proud of the young woman she has become.

2010 was a year of many changes. I added a son and started sharing custody of my daughter with a state college over an hour away. I learned to manage my time at home more wisely and learned how to be okay with the fact that sometimes there just isn’t enough time in the day. I learned to truly accept people for what they are and to realize that some people are just not good. 2010 made me a better person and my resolution for 2011 is to continue that trend. Maybe I can update my blog more frequently too!

Allyssa's Graduating!

Do you think she liked her Graduation present?

Birth Day

It’s been two months since Max’s Birth Day and every day since then I’ve thought about writing about it… and then remembered (or was reminded) that my time is no longer my own and something else took precedence. Right this minute, I happen to have some time. How much time will be determined by the length of my son's nap, but I might as well get it started.

At the end of the work day on February 4^th, my new co-worker (who was in the process of being trained to do my job while I was to be out on Maternity Leave) left me at the elevator and said, “Don’t go having a baby over the weekend!” With almost three weeks left until my due date, I had no intention of having the baby over the weekend. I laughed, drove home, ate dinner, went to Target and got on the computer while Lisa got in the shower and Allyssa prepared for school on Friday.

It was raining (again) and I was ready for the weekend. About fifteen minutes into email and Facebook, I heard a noise that can best be described as the sound you hear when someone purposefully “pops” their back or neck but I felt it in my stomach. It wasn’t painful and for a second I thought I might have ripped my pants. After all, I was 37 weeks pregnant – stranger things have happened. I stood up to find the source of the noise and to say that water was gushing out of my pants would be an understatement. I called to Lisa – at first a little panicked (mostly because there was SO MUCH WATER) and then laughed at the reality that I was in fact going to have a baby. Soon.

It was 9:00. We called the midwife to let her know what was going on and since I hadn’t yet had any contractions, she told me to go ahead and shower, try to get some sleep and if my contractions didn’t start on their own to call her in the morning. (This is one of the many wonderful things about planning for a natural childbirth!) While Lisa and Allyssa were loading the car and gathering last minute things I took a shower and dried my hair. At 9:45 I felt my first contraction. I got the timer and went about my business thinking it would 15 or more minutes before I would have another. Four minutes later I knew I wouldn’t be going to sleep – and more importantly, I knew I’d be talking to the midwife again long before the morning. We timed the contractions for about thirty minutes at four minutes apart. By 10:30 they were two minutes apart and relatively intense. By 11:00 they were a minute and a half apart and we timed them for about another half hour and then decided it was time to go. NOW!

The thirty minute ride to the hospital in the rain with very hard, very close contractions was the longest thirty minutes of my life. Allyssa followed in her car and we arrived at the hospital shortly after midnight. Allyssa and I got out at the front and Lisa went to park the cars. We walked in and were directed upstairs to labor and delivery. We took the elevator up and approximately 15 minutes later finally made it down the hall after I had to stop several times to beat on the wall to get through my contractions. Allyssa (having only attended one Bradley Class with me) did a great job talking me through and asking the nurses to wait to ask me questions until I was done. The midwife was already there and they got me to my room. I was put on a monitor for thirty minutes (standard protocol) and once that was done I was able to get up and move again. I was dilated to 8cm and my contractions were still a minute and a half apart. At this point things were getting kind of chaotic. I won’t pretend like I wasn’t in A LOT of pain, but for our family we knew natural childbirth was the way we wanted to go and I also knew at that point it couldn’t possibly be much longer. It felt like it was a hundred degrees in the room, although the nurses assured me that the thermostat was as low as it would go. Allyssa did a great job of getting me cold rags and Lisa did a great job talking me through the contractions and allowing me to use her arm as a punching bag.

I stood through my contractions and at some point I knew it was time. I told my midwife it was time for me to push. I laid down… and that’s what I started to do. The room was very dimly lit and as I was pushing, I was thinking about everything going on around me. I knew that everyone there – two nurses, a midwife, my spouse and my daughter were now all waiting on me to do my job. Everyone else had done theirs. The nurses and midwife had been very accommodating to our requests and had been very supportive and helpful during the last difficult hour of labor. Lisa and Allyssa had been nothing short of incredible. Helping to make me as comfortable as possible, talking me through the contractions, cheering me on and letting me know when each contraction was almost over. Although I later found out that their words of encouragement – “It’s almost over” was actually just something they were saying to pacify me. Neither had the heart to tell me when I asked only seconds in to a contraction, “How much longer??” that the contraction had only just started and there was nearly a full minute left. (This fact could present a problem with their credibility should I decide to have any other children.) My in-laws were in the waiting room and everyone was waiting on me, including my son.It was then I began to think about my son who was about to be born. With every push I thought about how loved this little boy was and he wasn’t even born yet! I looked at Lisa, wide-eyed with excitement and knew without any doubt that her life would never be the same. Allyssa, with her sweet face next to mine, I knew in that moment I couldn’t be more proud of her. With every push I knew everyone was waiting on me.

As the baby crowned, I knew I was getting closer. I knew our little family of three was about to be four and that God was about to bless us more than we could have ever imagined. I don’t know how long I pushed – Lisa said it was about ten minutes. I know that on the last push, my nurse said, “This is it!” and I pushed with everything I had, I was ready to meet our newest family member and I was ready to rest. Max Adric Bailey was born on February 5^th at 2:44 AM. As he was placed on my chest, with Lisa and Allyssa beside me, at that moment there was no one else in the world but us. As we looked at Max and each other, I knew we were starting a new chapter in our lives. Lisa was about to be the mother of a newborn, Allyssa was going to be a big sister and I was about to parent a newborn in a way I never had before, as an adult, and with a partner.

About thirty minutes after Max was born, Lisa’s parents joined us in the delivery room and the birth team left us to be with our family for the next hour. We spent the next hour talking, laughing and adoring our beautiful baby boy. We left the hospital a day and a half later. 

We’ve spent the last two months adjusting to life with a new baby. Allyssa has been the most amazing big sister and Max grins at the mere sound of her voice. Lisa is an amazing Mom and takes every opportunity to be with her son – even if it means that time is spent changing a dirty diaper. I have come to grips with the fact that Max is not Allyssa. He does not sleep all night and he does not wake up smiling. I am no longer making all the decisions for my child on my own and I actually have to consult with someone else on the more important ones.

Our lives have been changed. We are busy, some days we are covered up in chaos. We are unorganized and tired but as I sit here nine weeks after our son was born, finally finishing this post, I am staring at him sound asleep in his swing and know that no matter how messy my bedroom is or how little sleep I’ve had for the last nine weeks, I don’t know how we managed to live so long without him!