Twenty-One. TWENTY. ONE.

In just a few short hours it will be 21 years to the minute that I knew my baby was going to be born.  I woke up at 4:45 AM on September 7th, 1992 wondering if what woke me out of a dead sleep was a contraction.  It was and at over 42 weeks pregnant I am not quite sure why I was surprised, but I was.  I was in the bedroom I had shared with my younger sister all through high school, in silence and in the dark.  I was still a child myself.  Not entirely sure how to take care of myself, let alone another human being but when that first contraction came an went and another came on a lot quicker than I had anticipated I took a deep breath and decided it was sink or swim, and I was going to swim.  Eight hours three minutes later my sweet pea was born and I've been swimming ever since.  Ironically, 21 years later I am sitting in a dark room in silence.  Thinking that the last 21 years passed far more quickly than I could have ever anticipated.  

I surprised Allyssa with a trip to NYC for her birthday.  As she lay sound asleep in the hotel bed, I can't help but think of what an amazing ride we've had so far.  The early years were such a struggle for me, yet my sweet girl never knew the difference.  She always managed to bring a smile to my face, even when I was crying on the inside.  As she got older and I was reminded on a daily basis that if in fact you believe in God He / She has an incredible sense of humor.  My sweet girl was and is every single thing I love about life.  She is hilarious, kind, generous and fun.  She is has an incredibly sweet spirit, and fun-loving personality and is genuinely an all around great person.  She is also a lot of things that make me wonder if that child of mine wasn't somehow switched at birth.  Where she is calm, I am not.  Where I am organized, she is not.  I am a planner, a thinker, an over-analyzer.  Allyssa, my sweet Allyssa.....  Imagine if you will, a wonderfully tropical place.  Beaches, free flowing music, where everyone is chill and friendly.  A place where all things just happen as they should with little to no intervention. If there were such a place, my sweet girl would be the Mayor!  I used to think I was given this child to teach her how to be more proactive, how to plan ahead, how to be fiercely independent and how to make things happen.  Twenty-One years later I know that I was given this child to learn.  To learn how to relax, how to go with the flow and let things happen as they will.  I needed to learn that sometimes things don't happen in my time fame or the way I think they should happen.  I needed to learn to just be.... and things will work out the way they are supposed to.  I have a long way to go, but I did manage to book a four day trip to NYC and only planned ONE thing.  It is making me a little crazy though.  

So we made it sweet pea.  You are a full fledged adult.  You are more than I could have ever dreamed and then some.  I know I am taking a little longer to learn than most, but luckily we'll have many more years so I can keep practicing.  Thank you for making me laugh, even when I wanted to cry.  Thank you for making me laugh UNTIL I cried.  Thank you for being the best you that you can be and for remembering always that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go.  Thank you for being loyal to me and true to yourself and thank you, thank you for choosing me.  You are the best thing I've ever done without having a clue what I was doing.   

I love you, 
Mom 

TERRIBLE 3's

I really cannot believe that Max is already three!  It is funny to think about how quickly the time has passed but realize how much we have all changed in these three quick years!

Here's my best parenting advice.  If someone tells you the 2's are terrible, they didn't let their child survive to see 3.  Mad Max just turned three.  He is precious.  He is cute and even sweet.  Until you tell him NO.  Then he turns into something that resembles the offspring of a honey badger and the exorcist.  He cries and screams and throws out idle threats like, "You are NOT my best friend!!"  Really, no??  Talk to your sister about what a great friend I was to her.  Or my personal favorite, "I AM NOT OUR KID!!"  HA!  "No Sh*t!  My kid wouldn't act like this!  Honey Badger called and your dinner is ready, scurry home kid!"

I used to be THAT Mom.   My older daughter trained me very well how to be THAT Mom.  She never cried, never threw a tantrum and always did what I asked her to do and most of the time she had a smile on her face.  I was the Mom that heard a kid say, "I am not your kid!"  and thought to myself, "What a spoiled little urchin!  His Mother TOTALLY deserves that little meltdown.  Maybe if she had been parenting instead of _________, or _____________ or ___________________...."   Insert anything there.  You get the idea... 

Then along came Max.  Max had a different learning plan for me.  He wanted me to know the error of my ways.... In a BIG way.  He wanted me to question my ability to raise a boy.  He wanted me to wonder why on earth a kid who has anything he could ever need and more love than he could ever imagine would be having a major meltdown over whether or not the ketchup should go ON the burger or on the plate.  He wanted me to question all of my preconceived notions about little boys and their parents.  He wanted me to wonder how little boys are built with a mechanism in their brain that forced them to laugh at the noises their bodies can make.  I'd like to think he also wanted me to wonder how a three year old has such an incredible imagination and sense of  adventure.  He wanted me to learn the art of letting go of things that don't matter.  He wanted me to learn that rain boots are perfectly acceptable attire.  Day or night. Rain or no rain.  He wanted me to learn that stalling at bedtime is just another way of saying, "I love you."  He wanted me to learn that smelly boy kisses and hugs are some of the best kisses and hugs there are and he wanted me to learn that I love you much, MUCH!  Means a love bigger than I would have ever imagined a three year old boy could love.  

Mission Accomplished Little Man!  You are a terrific teacher!

Dear Max,

Good and sometimes not so good, thank you ALWAYS for being you. Thank you for being funny, imaginative and unique.  Thank you for reminding me every day for the last three years that I am here for a reason, even when I am not exactly sure what that reason is and for showing me a different side of parenting a toddler.  I love every single thing about you, even when we are NOT best friends!

Happy Birthday Mad Max!  I love you much, MUCH!