Twenty years ago tonight I was on the phone with one of my
best friends from high school. I was just
18 and over 2 weeks past due with my first baby. I was upset that I hadn’t gone into labor yet
and that my doctor was going to induce me the day after Labor Day. I wanted so badly to have an intervention
free labor and delivery and induction would ruin my perfect plans. My friend reminded me that the next day was
indeed Labor Day, so it was only natural that I would go into labor on that day. We laughed, hung up the phone and I went to
sleep. At 4:45 AM I woke with my first
contraction. I hadn’t even registered to
vote yet! I didn’t know how to have a
BABY! I didn’t know how to be a
parent! I didn’t know how to breastfeed,
burp an infant, or make baby food! I
didn’t even know the gender of my unborn child and yet there I was preparing to
give birth, to an actual child that I would be responsible for. I labored at home for four hours and four
hours and three minutes later I was holding my sweet daughter in my arms. Allyssa Breanne was born on Monday, September
7th, 1992 at 12:48 PM. Tomorrow
/ or today depending on when you are reading this blog, my sweet daughter will
be twenty years old.
Pregnant at 17, statistically I should have dropped out of
high school, began receiving welfare benefits and gotten pregnant again within
2 years of my child’s birth. Luckily for
both of us, I did none of those things.
I finished high school and a little bit of college. I did marry the person responsible for the
other half of Allyssa’s DNA – but that didn’t last. I worked hard and stayed broke but I was happy
to be broke and independent. Through
birth control and then lesbianism, I even managed to wait 17 more years to get
pregnant again. Statistically, I would
have been a mediocre parent at best, but Allyssa had other plans for me. She was a kind and gentle baby. She slept well, ate well and played
well. She was calm and relaxed. I followed her lead and she made me a better
parent. She was a delightful toddler and
a fun and energetic child. She made me
love the life I was living regardless of how alone or broke I was. On some of my very worst days, Allyssa would
do or say something to remind me that all I needed to get through that
particular moment was that sweet child.
And I got through it… one day, one week, one month, and one year at a
time.
Time went on and my sweet girl never changed. Fun, relaxed, kind and gentle. Anyone who has known Allyssa her entire life
can attest this is who she has been since the second her little personality
developed! I changed though, I changed a
lot. I went from a scared pregnant teenager
to a relatively decent parent. I gained
confidence, independence and determination.
Allyssa raised me right.
Most parents say they love their children more than life and
I am no different. We all see our
precious babies as they were the moment we laid eyes on them and that kind of
love never goes away. But this child, this
child gave me new life, taught me more than I could ever write in one blog and
truly saved me. This child saved me from
myself.
Dear Allyssa,
On your first day as a twenty something, I wish for you to look in the mirror for just a few minutes and see what I see. I hope you see a bright and shining example of what a truly good person should be. I hope you see an absolutely beautiful young woman on the inside and out, who on many occasions has made a difference in the lives of those around her. I hope you see the incredible teacher you will become and the wonderful teacher you already are with the children whose lives you touch every single day. I hope you see a remarkable sister who is a perfect example of the kind of person we hope Max grows into. I hope you see a genuine friend who means the world to the people closest to her heart and most importantly, I hope you see my little hero, the little girl who made me a better Mom and a better person. I love you more than I could ever express… All the way to the moon and back!
On your first day as a twenty something, I wish for you to look in the mirror for just a few minutes and see what I see. I hope you see a bright and shining example of what a truly good person should be. I hope you see an absolutely beautiful young woman on the inside and out, who on many occasions has made a difference in the lives of those around her. I hope you see the incredible teacher you will become and the wonderful teacher you already are with the children whose lives you touch every single day. I hope you see a remarkable sister who is a perfect example of the kind of person we hope Max grows into. I hope you see a genuine friend who means the world to the people closest to her heart and most importantly, I hope you see my little hero, the little girl who made me a better Mom and a better person. I love you more than I could ever express… All the way to the moon and back!
Love,
Mom
