365 Days

Exactly one year ago at this very minute my water broke. This was the first indication that our son would be born two and a half weeks early. Contractions ensued forty-five minutes later and that was a strong indication that we would be having a baby sooner rather than later. Less than five hours after that, our absolutely perfect baby boy was born. (You can read the entire birth story here: Birth Day )

One year later, our lives have changed in ways even we didn't expect. We've had to renegotiate everything in our lives from closet space to sleep. We've modified our work schedules, date nights and free time. We eat at noisy restaurants and plan trips around nap schedules. I learned to change a diaper in record time, but not before I had been peed on at least a hundred times before. I learned to nurse my son not only TO sleep but WHILE I was sleeping. I learned to make baby food and also learned that making Pomegranate Sauce should be left to the professionals. I’ve learned that the human body can survive on much less sleep than I would have ever imagined. I learned that the cry of a baby with colic can sound like the loudest cry you’ve ever heard. I also learned that the lack of sleep combined with that cry can make you cry…. sometimes in public. I learned that leaving your infant in daycare at only 12 weeks is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I learned that nursing my son through his first year of life and working full-time was not as easy as I thought it would be. I learned that sometimes people want to hang out with you just to see the baby. I learned that a baby cutting several teeth at once can drool more than a rabid Saint Bernard and I learned that even an 11 month old can do things you only thought started at “Terrible Two.”

I’ve learned that noisy restaurants don’t matter when all you care about is what your baby is “saying.” I’ve learned that being peed on, puked on and even pooped on can be funny under most circumstances because he’s just so cute, even THAT doesn’t matter. I’ve learned that making baby food made me feel a little closer to Max even when I was scrubbing Pomegranate seeds off the ceiling. I’ve learned that sleep just doesn’t matter as much as it used to. I’ve learned that in the middle of the night, no matter how exhausted I am, my son can look at me with just the slightest smile and I could stay up with him all night long. I learned that sometimes it’s just okay to cry… even in public. I learned that by making the very best possible choice for a daycare provider our son may not get to spend the days with his own Mommy but he gets to spend his days with another amazing Mommy and that is truly the next best thing. I learned that even when I was so busy and preoccupied at work that I actually forgot to attach the bottles to my pump being fortunate enough to be able to continue nursing made it all worth it. I learned that when our friends are more interested in seeing the baby than seeing us it serves as a reminder that the family unit we’ve created is strong, nurturing and stable and will be a wonderful place for Max to grow up. I’ve learned that drool (unless you’re wearing black) is virtually undetectable in a business meeting and I’ve learned that an 11 month old spitting his food out can be entertaining and even comical.

In the past 365 days I’ve learned that I’m not a perfect Mother, wife or friend. I’ve learned that I have a lot to learn about all three of those roles but I’ve also learned that when I look at the amazing blessing that we call Max, when he smiles, laughs, “talks” and even cries none of that matters because I am the perfect mother for him.

Dear Max,

On your first birthday, thank you for giving me one of the best years of my life. Thank you for your sweet smile, infectious laugh, the best hugs and the drooliest kisses. Thank you for making us laugh and reminding me that it’s okay to cry. I hope that when you are old enough to read this you will think that I’ve given you some of the best years of your life too! If not, it’s okay. We’re already saving for therapy.

I couldn’t have dreamt of a more perfect baby boy and I love you more than you will ever know!

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy!