Twenty-One. TWENTY. ONE.

In just a few short hours it will be 21 years to the minute that I knew my baby was going to be born.  I woke up at 4:45 AM on September 7th, 1992 wondering if what woke me out of a dead sleep was a contraction.  It was and at over 42 weeks pregnant I am not quite sure why I was surprised, but I was.  I was in the bedroom I had shared with my younger sister all through high school, in silence and in the dark.  I was still a child myself.  Not entirely sure how to take care of myself, let alone another human being but when that first contraction came an went and another came on a lot quicker than I had anticipated I took a deep breath and decided it was sink or swim, and I was going to swim.  Eight hours three minutes later my sweet pea was born and I've been swimming ever since.  Ironically, 21 years later I am sitting in a dark room in silence.  Thinking that the last 21 years passed far more quickly than I could have ever anticipated.  

I surprised Allyssa with a trip to NYC for her birthday.  As she lay sound asleep in the hotel bed, I can't help but think of what an amazing ride we've had so far.  The early years were such a struggle for me, yet my sweet girl never knew the difference.  She always managed to bring a smile to my face, even when I was crying on the inside.  As she got older and I was reminded on a daily basis that if in fact you believe in God He / She has an incredible sense of humor.  My sweet girl was and is every single thing I love about life.  She is hilarious, kind, generous and fun.  She is has an incredibly sweet spirit, and fun-loving personality and is genuinely an all around great person.  She is also a lot of things that make me wonder if that child of mine wasn't somehow switched at birth.  Where she is calm, I am not.  Where I am organized, she is not.  I am a planner, a thinker, an over-analyzer.  Allyssa, my sweet Allyssa.....  Imagine if you will, a wonderfully tropical place.  Beaches, free flowing music, where everyone is chill and friendly.  A place where all things just happen as they should with little to no intervention. If there were such a place, my sweet girl would be the Mayor!  I used to think I was given this child to teach her how to be more proactive, how to plan ahead, how to be fiercely independent and how to make things happen.  Twenty-One years later I know that I was given this child to learn.  To learn how to relax, how to go with the flow and let things happen as they will.  I needed to learn that sometimes things don't happen in my time fame or the way I think they should happen.  I needed to learn to just be.... and things will work out the way they are supposed to.  I have a long way to go, but I did manage to book a four day trip to NYC and only planned ONE thing.  It is making me a little crazy though.  

So we made it sweet pea.  You are a full fledged adult.  You are more than I could have ever dreamed and then some.  I know I am taking a little longer to learn than most, but luckily we'll have many more years so I can keep practicing.  Thank you for making me laugh, even when I wanted to cry.  Thank you for making me laugh UNTIL I cried.  Thank you for being the best you that you can be and for remembering always that it takes all kinds of people to make the world go.  Thank you for being loyal to me and true to yourself and thank you, thank you for choosing me.  You are the best thing I've ever done without having a clue what I was doing.   

I love you, 
Mom