Funny Face Pancakes

It’s never been a question of whether my daughter was going to attend college, she’s always known it was an expectation and she’s always wanted to go. She’s maintained that she wants to teach since about the third grade and that is still her goal. However, while looking at my third grader, with her braids and bruised shins, far more interested in softball and soccer than school - none of that really seemed like a reality. Driving nearly 200 miles from home last Thursday to her first college visit it all suddenly seemed very real. Very real.

We left our house at 6:30 AM. The campus tour didn’t begin until 11:00 but for those of you not living in Atlanta I-75 traffic can never be underestimated. We made it through the city without even a tap of the brakes, so we knew we’d be early. We stopped on the way down at an IHop for breakfast. When Allyssa was younger, she used to love the Funny Face Pancakes. We went in to the restaurant and she was still excited to order the Funny Face Pancake. Much to her dismay, they were on the children’s menu – for kids 12 and under. We talked about the unfairness of life in general and when the waitress came Allyssa ordered the regular Chocolate Chip Pancakes – but had “a small request.” “Can you please ask them to make it a Funny Face Pancake? I used to love ordering those, but they are on the kids menu.” I laughed and thought about how the lady must think the kid is crazy but then she turned to me and said, “It’s so nice to see a teenager who is still interested in being a kid.” As she turned and walked toward the kitchen I looked at Allyssa and agreed…. It is really nice.

After Allyssa’s carb overload at breakfast she promptly fell asleep in the car. As I drove in silence I realized how far away from home we were. In the physical sense, we were literally in the middle of the state and in the middle of nowhere. But in the general sense, I looked at my sleeping child and wondered where the time had gone. How on earth could I have a daughter old enough to be visiting colleges? I thought about how both our lives had changed so much in the last sixteen and a half years and how far away we were from where we had started.

We arrived in the small (VERY SMALL) college town about an hour before the tour was to start. Allyssa woke up in time to realize that we had left the city or any indication of a city in the IHop parking lot. We drove around the town to see where the important landmarks were. Target, Publix, the AT&T store, the mall… We found that all those places were thirty miles away. However, there was a Piggly Wiggly, (which is a very small grocery store) a Dollar General, CVS, Walgreens and a gas station. There were also the two token fast food restaurants right across the street from the college.

When we pulled into the parking space in front of the college, I looked around at the students and felt the lump in my throat. I closed my eyes and vowed not to start crying in front of her. We went to the information center and waited for the tour to start. We were joined by three other families and our group was led by a second year female student with an accent so thick I had to ask her to repeat herself, more than once. I looked around the campus at all the other kids. They didn’t look like my daughter. They looked older, smarter and more independent. I quickly (and sadly) realized those were things I wanted for my daughter, even though the realization stung just a tiny bit.

We learned about the schools history, the class sizes and campus life in general. We toured several of the buildings, a couple of cafeterias and one of the dorms. I learned that college kids eat a lot better than one would have thought and that unless you maintain a 3.0 you live in a co-ed dorm. I watched as Allyssa interacted and asked questions. I could see the excitement in her eyes when we toured the Drama building and looked in the theatre. My minds eye took me back to the days when she would beg me to come watch her performance of the Little Mermaid’s Under the Sea – but she didn’t know the words, so she sang it as, “I’m not a C.” Or when her very soulful (eyes closed and everything) rendition of Swing Low Sweet Chariot turned into Swing Low Sweet Cherries On. I thought of my nine year old quoting every line – voices included – to Dana Carvey’s Master of Disguise for what felt like days on end and how much I JUST WANTED IT TO STOP!!! I smiled to myself and wondered if I could get her to do just a couple of the lines again.

When the tour was over, we headed home, Allyssa grinning from ear to ear. She was very excited about the school, what it had to offer and the reality of the fact that in the fall of 2010, she’ll be a college student if not there, somewhere. I was genuinely happy for my daughter but as she went back to sleep somewhere around Macon, I went ahead and let the tears fall because while we have our good days and bad days just like every other family in America, not only do I really love that kid but I really like her a lot too!

Soooo??

Sooo.... it's been over a month since my last post and most of you already know, we are not pregnant. While I can almost actually HEAR the disappointment... it's okay... really. Admittedly, I was disappointed at first, but had some pretty good indications that I wasn't pregnant before the actual test. So I had about a week to get over it. We are getting prepared for another cycle. SO... keep your fingers crossed for us.

Separately, I am back on the Clomid! WOO HOO! (See post from December 19th.) Except THIS time - as luck would have it, I get to have an INCREASED dosage. Which let me tell you is EFFEN AWESOME! (I know sarcasm is hard to read in email... but if you DIDN'T get it... THAT was meant to be sarcastic.)

So this time (so far, I am only one day into the med cycle)
I've been a raging bitch, (although I could attribute that to another situation) I can't sleep, and when I actually WAS sleeping, I was having the most bizarre dreams that I am not sure that I wouldn't rather be awake. BUT the best part is I've been extremely tired since about four hours after my dose - which was at 9:00 Saturday morning. It's currently 2:00 on Sunday MORNING! Which really helps with the aggression factor.

All that to say this: No, we're not pregnant and PLEASE pray (or whatever you do) for me (AND my family's) sanity while we go on to day two of the Clomid.

Only three more days to go....