The Wait Is On

I’ve always wondered about the people that know the exact date their child / children were conceived. Are they so Type A that nothing can be spontaneous, are they working really hard at building a family or is their sex life THAT non-existent? I never really thought about the fact there is another sexless option, that is until we started going through our Quest for Baby Bailey.

Two weeks ago our journey took us to the final phase of our first cycle of treatment, the insemination. After countless vials of blood, multiple ultrasounds and hundreds of dollars, we were ready to inseminate. Since we made the decision to grow our family, I have had some pretty strong impressions of how things were going to go. Being a very traditional oldest child, Type A personality myself, I knew that every vision I had of the entire process would certainly be exactly the way things would go. I hadn’t thought much about the testing phases, or the drugs, but I had ideas about the insemination.

Surprisingly, (since I am a lesbian with friends who have become pregnant this way) I had NO real idea of how the actual insemination would be but in my minds eye it was going to be beautiful! I would wake up, get another smiley face on the little pink stick and call for the appointment. It would be a wonderfully warm day, the sun would be shining and all things in nature would be in perfect harmony as we walked into the fertility clinic. Hand in hand we’d laugh and joke about the names we discussed, visiting with other parents-to-be while we waited to be called back. The exam room would be warmer than usual and have a soft glow to it that I hadn’t noticed before. We’d briefly talk to the doctor and would lovingly look into each others eyes while the painless process was taking place. Anyone who has done it knows that is exactly how it goes, right??

Anyone who knows me knows I firmly believe that every single thing that happens in your life happens for a reason. I believe that there are lessons in everything and if you fail to learn the lesson, you’ll continue to encounter situations in which the lesson can be learned again. Knowing this, I have yet to wrap my head around this life lesson – Everything does not revolve around me AND things will not always happen the way that I think they should. (Regardless of the fact that my way is almost always the best way!!)

This is where I’ll stop. I’ve written and re-written this blog… and just didn’t really find anything interesting or amusing about the long drawn out version… so the short of it is this: The insemination was not what I expected it to be. It was raining outside, Lisa wasn’t able to join me, the room wasn’t warm and the procedure wasn’t painless. Hell, I was (hopefully) getting pregnant and they didn’t even dim the lights and turn on some music and let me tell you, for the amount of money, that (insert expletive here) should be included! Nevertheless, it’s done…. And now we wait.