When you decide to have a baby our way, things can be a little bit tricky. I have always thought that the choice to have children and who to have them with was an extremely important one. In my current predicament, I am considering our donor to be a very significant part of the equation. I always assumed that the rest of the world, if in the same situation would feel this way too... until we started telling people about our plans for pregnancy. That's when it started. Friends, acquaintances and even a stranger or two began volunteering to donate to our cause. Some offered in jest, but others were really willing to give it up all in the name of goodwill or in some cases friendship.
At first I thought it was kind of funny. A very close friend (gay) mentioned almost in passing that he would be glad to assist if necessary. Surprised and somewhat uncomfortable, I mumbled something about the fact that we hadn't really decided what direction we were going to go with that. The next day I received a follow up email to our conversation. It read something like this, "Hi, I wanted to check in with you about our conversation at the party yesterday. Just let me know when you are ready and we'll make a plan." Hmmmm.... Just let me know when you are ready...and we'll make a plan. We're not planning to go shopping!!! We're planning to procreate?!!? I could almost envision the conversation in my head. "Hey ________, it's Angel. I appear to be ovulating. Can you come over here for a few... and don't forget your cup! Give my best to the husband and kids!"
I ran into a close friend at a dinner party, (female, straight and married) told me she would "gladly" give us some of her own husbands stuff and reminded me that her children are extremely cute. I laughed and then she repeated the offer and said, "No really, he'll totally do it!" Again, I thought about conversation when it came time. "Hey ______, send your husband's sperm over, it's time to make a baby!" Separately, what if her kids WEREN'T cute??
Then you have the friends who want to volunteer other people's DNA to your cause. Like my friend who doesn't live anywhere near here, has never met Lisa or her brother and very generously offered to use his. "Call Lisa's brother! I am sure he's be glad to do it!" Ummmm.... NO. "Uncle Dad??" I don't think so. Not to mention... you should see the size of this guy's cranium! The plan for a natural childbirth would need to be reconsidered.
Long story short, for personal, ethical and mostly legal reasons, we are using donor sperm. So we've been "shopping" online for weeks looking for a suitable person to help create our child. Our search for a donor has gone on for what seems like months now and I will eliminate otherwise very qualified candidates at the very mention of anything that doesn't come across to me as masculine, fun, or otherwise desirable in a male partner. For instance, the guy whose favorite animal is a cat. Your FAVORITE animal?? Is a cat?? Or how about the guy who when asked what he enjoys doing in his free time he responded, "I like role playing games and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Comic Book Conventions." The egomaniac whose only line to potential parents to his offspring, "I've done my part, now go do yours!" Or the donor whose list of mental health issues in his immediate family would have made for a good movie. Believe me when I tell you, this list could go on.
I've sorted through DOZENS and DOZENS of viable donors and haven't found "The One" yet... but we're still looking!
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
hCG, LH Surge, Oocytes … Oh My!
Ahhh… the world of fertility treatments! Yes, you read right… FERTILITY TREATMENT. The treatment of one's fertility.
Now you ask, "Why would two women, moderately successful in their respective fields, virtually debt free (except one mortgage) who take a minimum of two vacations per year, with a SIXTEEN year old daughter with only TWO years of high school left need to be talking about Fertility Treatment???" Well, the short and very simple answer is, we're clearly crazy.
I have known since Lisa and I were just friends that someday she would want children. She just hadn't found anyone she wanted children with. Early on in our relationship, I suppose she realized what a great catch I was (HA) and we talked about the potential to have children together. Lisa is a great person. She's great with kids and is amazing with the one we already have but having a teenager, admittedly, I wasn't entirely sure this was a path we should take. However, Allyssa was not necessarily an only child by design – but more so out of necessity so had my own situation been different, it's very likely she wouldn't have been an only child. So after MUCH conversation, deliberation and the outright pleading from Allyssa (who until now has been perfectly happy being an only child) we have decided that we are going to add to our family.
That is where all of this fertility stuff comes in. We don't really have a fertility problem. Or at least we don't think we do. However we are lacking a small (but important) piece to the pregnancy puzzle and in the state of Georgia you can't just do that sort of thing on your own. So we decided to take some referrals for a reputable clinic and went to a consult to find out everything we needed to do. We made our appointment… and canceled our appointment…. And made another appointment… and almost cancelled that appointment but didn't.
The looming appointment had me on a street corner looking for Xanax. The day finally came and we actually went. We went in, surrounded by seemingly straight couples (you never really know do you??) and waited what seemed like forever. When we were finally called back I was somewhat surprised to see our doctor looked as though she had stepped right out of a Vogue Magazine – although she did have on a white coat. Our "dedicated" nurse (you get one nurse who is assigned to you so you always see the same nurse – which for the money, she should move in next door) looked much like someones grandmother and acted like one too. I half expected her to pull out some homemade cookies, but sadly she didn't. The doctor explained everything in a way that appeared on paper and in the drawing to be very simple, but really isn't. She was very nice, forthright and accommodating. I wanted to make sure that our being a gay couple wouldn't be a problem, so near the end of the consult I said, "We are a couple, (I think she may have laughed a little at the obviousness of my statement) and we want to make sure our doctor and the staff are comfortable with the situation." She assured us that this was nothing they hadn't seen before and that it was no different than any other couple trying to conceive. She gave us a list everything we needed to do between that visit and when we actually want to start trying to get pregnant. (Remember, I got pregnant the first time at seventeen ON birth control pills, trying NOT to get pregnant. Who knew there was SO much to do when you are trying TO get pregnant?!) They took what seemed like gallons of my blood and ran some other ridiculously uncomfortable tests – and it seems everything is still working the way it's supposed to.
So… now the quest has begun. We have all of the details… now we just need to find some suitable "samples" and we'll begin. Keep your fingers crossed.
Now you ask, "Why would two women, moderately successful in their respective fields, virtually debt free (except one mortgage) who take a minimum of two vacations per year, with a SIXTEEN year old daughter with only TWO years of high school left need to be talking about Fertility Treatment???" Well, the short and very simple answer is, we're clearly crazy.
I have known since Lisa and I were just friends that someday she would want children. She just hadn't found anyone she wanted children with. Early on in our relationship, I suppose she realized what a great catch I was (HA) and we talked about the potential to have children together. Lisa is a great person. She's great with kids and is amazing with the one we already have but having a teenager, admittedly, I wasn't entirely sure this was a path we should take. However, Allyssa was not necessarily an only child by design – but more so out of necessity so had my own situation been different, it's very likely she wouldn't have been an only child. So after MUCH conversation, deliberation and the outright pleading from Allyssa (who until now has been perfectly happy being an only child) we have decided that we are going to add to our family.
That is where all of this fertility stuff comes in. We don't really have a fertility problem. Or at least we don't think we do. However we are lacking a small (but important) piece to the pregnancy puzzle and in the state of Georgia you can't just do that sort of thing on your own. So we decided to take some referrals for a reputable clinic and went to a consult to find out everything we needed to do. We made our appointment… and canceled our appointment…. And made another appointment… and almost cancelled that appointment but didn't.
The looming appointment had me on a street corner looking for Xanax. The day finally came and we actually went. We went in, surrounded by seemingly straight couples (you never really know do you??) and waited what seemed like forever. When we were finally called back I was somewhat surprised to see our doctor looked as though she had stepped right out of a Vogue Magazine – although she did have on a white coat. Our "dedicated" nurse (you get one nurse who is assigned to you so you always see the same nurse – which for the money, she should move in next door) looked much like someones grandmother and acted like one too. I half expected her to pull out some homemade cookies, but sadly she didn't. The doctor explained everything in a way that appeared on paper and in the drawing to be very simple, but really isn't. She was very nice, forthright and accommodating. I wanted to make sure that our being a gay couple wouldn't be a problem, so near the end of the consult I said, "We are a couple, (I think she may have laughed a little at the obviousness of my statement) and we want to make sure our doctor and the staff are comfortable with the situation." She assured us that this was nothing they hadn't seen before and that it was no different than any other couple trying to conceive. She gave us a list everything we needed to do between that visit and when we actually want to start trying to get pregnant. (Remember, I got pregnant the first time at seventeen ON birth control pills, trying NOT to get pregnant. Who knew there was SO much to do when you are trying TO get pregnant?!) They took what seemed like gallons of my blood and ran some other ridiculously uncomfortable tests – and it seems everything is still working the way it's supposed to.
So… now the quest has begun. We have all of the details… now we just need to find some suitable "samples" and we'll begin. Keep your fingers crossed.
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