The Search Is On!!!

When you decide to have a baby our way, things can be a little bit tricky. I have always thought that the choice to have children and who to have them with was an extremely important one. In my current predicament, I am considering our donor to be a very significant part of the equation. I always assumed that the rest of the world, if in the same situation would feel this way too... until we started telling people about our plans for pregnancy. That's when it started. Friends, acquaintances and even a stranger or two began volunteering to donate to our cause. Some offered in jest, but others were really willing to give it up all in the name of goodwill or in some cases friendship.

At first I thought it was kind of funny. A very close friend (gay) mentioned almost in passing that he would be glad to assist if necessary. Surprised and somewhat uncomfortable, I mumbled something about the fact that we hadn't really decided what direction we were going to go with that. The next day I received a follow up email to our conversation. It read something like this, "Hi, I wanted to check in with you about our conversation at the party yesterday. Just let me know when you are ready and we'll make a plan." Hmmmm.... Just let me know when you are ready...and we'll make a plan. We're not planning to go shopping!!! We're planning to procreate?!!? I could almost envision the conversation in my head. "Hey ________, it's Angel. I appear to be ovulating. Can you come over here for a few... and don't forget your cup! Give my best to the husband and kids!"

I ran into a close friend at a dinner party, (female, straight and married) told me she would "gladly" give us some of her own husbands stuff and reminded me that her children are extremely cute. I laughed and then she repeated the offer and said, "No really, he'll totally do it!" Again, I thought about conversation when it came time. "Hey ______, send your husband's sperm over, it's time to make a baby!" Separately, what if her kids WEREN'T cute??

Then you have the friends who want to volunteer other people's DNA to your cause. Like my friend who doesn't live anywhere near here, has never met Lisa or her brother and very generously offered to use his. "Call Lisa's brother! I am sure he's be glad to do it!" Ummmm.... NO. "Uncle Dad??" I don't think so. Not to mention... you should see the size of this guy's cranium! The plan for a natural childbirth would need to be reconsidered.

Long story short, for personal, ethical and mostly legal reasons, we are using donor sperm. So we've been "shopping" online for weeks looking for a suitable person to help create our child. Our search for a donor has gone on for what seems like months now and I will eliminate otherwise very qualified candidates at the very mention of anything that doesn't come across to me as masculine, fun, or otherwise desirable in a male partner. For instance, the guy whose favorite animal is a cat. Your FAVORITE animal?? Is a cat?? Or how about the guy who when asked what he enjoys doing in his free time he responded, "I like role playing games and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Comic Book Conventions." The egomaniac whose only line to potential parents to his offspring, "I've done my part, now go do yours!" Or the donor whose list of mental health issues in his immediate family would have made for a good movie. Believe me when I tell you, this list could go on.

I've sorted through DOZENS and DOZENS of viable donors and haven't found "The One" yet... but we're still looking!