Learning From Mom

We learn to be parents from our parents…Right? My Mom didn't have very good teachers and THAT is putting it mildly. My Mom however, was a decent parent. Always doing the best she could with what she had and I would like to think I've built on that and become a fairly decent parent myself. Although I suppose my daughter will have to confirm or deny.

Monday evening at about 7:00 PM, I had a conversation with my Mother via the telephone that I have been waiting to have for the better part of ten years. My mom has known I am "you know" (she can't say the G word) for several years now. However, we have not had an open conversation about it. She has avoided my attempts at all costs even at times going as far as leaving the room to avoid a conversation about my personal life. As time went on, she was so afraid she would somehow hear something about my personal life that she would even avoid conversations about my job, house, weekend plans or anything that might bring us to mention the name of someone I may have been dating. So we basically talked about Allyssa and a lot of nothing.

At first I was fine with that. In the beginning it was new to me too, so I didn't know what to say to her. I had only come out to a few people and all were very accepting. I didn't know how I would deal with my mother who has said out loud that she wished that Jerry Falwell's church was closer so she could attend because he was such a powerful and insightful man. So while she was obviously in a place where she didn't / couldn't talk about it – I was fine to instate my own "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Nearly ten years later, much like the American military, we were still operating on that policy. Until about 2 weeks ago….

Long story short, I decided to write my Mom a letter. It was a long letter that detailed my feelings and emotions surrounding the last ten years and the lack of interest my Mom had shown in my life. I apologized for not more openly inviting her into my life and basically gave her an invitation to get with the program so to speak. My Mom came to bat like a champ! Those of you who REALLY know my Mom know that this was NO SMALL feat. That it took everything she had and then some to pull herself together and do the right thing where this was concerned. BUT she did it… and our relationship will be better for it.

I learned something about my mother that day, she is much more logical than I ever gave her credit for and while her beliefs won't change per se, she is willing to change a little and that is a good thing. I learned something about parenting that day too, something I knew but have never been tested on. It really doesn't matter what you believe or how strong those beliefs and convictions are, if you are one of those parents, a parent always doing the best you can with what you have - the love you have for your children will always be stronger.