Learning How & Who To Love

I don't remember exactly how old I was when my grandmother first told me that you should never make someone a priority when they only consider you an option. I do remember that I furrowed my eyebrows and half smiled pretending like I understood only to be thinking in the back of my mind that she was crazy. As something called "Life" happened, I began to understand what she meant. Unfortunately, I didn't choose to actually act on the advice, but I did start to understand it. Just about three years ago, I decided that I would actually start acting on that principle and while in some instances it's been heartbreaking, I know now that the most important people in my life don't consider me an option.

It's a shame that it took me all of thirty years to figure out how and who to love, but it did. While I am one to believe you are always where you are supposed to be, that everything happens for a reason and I genuinely value even the most horrible of times over my adult life knowing that it only brought me closer to the person I was to become – I can't help but wish or at least wonder how things may have been different if someone had told me just the most basic truths about relationships. So this, my friends, is a small (very small) list of things I think are important in relationships. Relationships of all kinds… romantic, platonic, etc. Nothing profound - just my opinion. Just an open letter of sorts to my incredibly amazing daughter and anyone else who might need it. Hoping that someday she will be writing a blog about what she learned from me about relationships…. And I hope every word of it is positive.

Of course it begins… "Never make someone a priority if they only consider you an option."

Fall in love with your best friend and if you are falling in love with someone who is not yet your best friend, make sure you can envision them in that role. Be honest with yourself and be honest with the people you love. Tell the people you care about exactly what you expect – your relationships will be better for it. Be confident in your worth and expect the people you love to know your worth as well. Don't get involved with people you need to change – it won't happen and it shouldn't happen. You have to evolve on your own, and so do the people in your life. Know the difference between friends and acquaintances, both are important, but there is a difference. Treat your friends, family, partners, spouses and even strangers the way you want to be treated. You never know how or when you can change someone's day, week or even life in a positive or negative way. Spend your life with someone who will do little things that make a difference, even if that difference only means something to you. Be certain that the people in your life love you for who you are and for no other reason. Know that the only unconditional love is between parents and their children, understand your limitations as well as those of the people who love you. Love and be loved with all your soul can give and take.

And one more – because this blog has gone on way too long… Spend your life with someone who makes you laugh, even when you're dreaming.