One month and counting!

One month and two days... We made it ONE MONTH and TWO DAYS! On some level even I am surprised that Lisa hasn't made an escape, passport in hand, never to be seen or heard from again. Not because married life is bad - it's the opposite actually - but because there is still a small (or not so small) part of me that thinks I am not good at relationships and that at any minute she will have figured that out.

I've had this conversation with some of my friends over the past year or so. Me, creeping out onto the crazy ledge worrying about everything from losing my identity to adapting to new toothpaste. Living together, sharing finances, having three too many dogs, having a enough hormones in the house to keep a therapist on retainer and obsessing about the FACT (not opinion) that I was someone's wife before and I wasn't very good at it. And my friends, talking me down and reminding me that first and foremost I am just a tiny bit controlling and it would be good for me to give some of that up in the form of cohabitation and joint accounts, that there are worse things then having to share space with FOUR dogs, (although sometimes I wonder) and that I was very young when I got married the first time (for all the wrong reasons) and that my husband at the time (probably along with the fact that I was a lesbian in a straight girls body) had allot to do with why our marriage didn't work. My best friend finally said to me, "Get over it. Anyone who's ever been in even one relationship that didn't work is still a failure at relationships. We are all failures until we find the right person to be with." So... I got over it. Kind of.

So here we are. Everything is still in tact. She hasn't tried to escape in the middle of the night (although I did hide her passport just in case) and while I do think our relationship is different now that we are fully committed to each other and sharing every aspect of our lives, it's all very, very good!

I am doing the best I can. I am playing nice with my space, I even let her use MY closet, when there is a PERFECTLY good closet just across the hall. I had allot less trouble with the joining of the accounts than I thought I would and even don't mind the dogs and will mind them even less when they learn to vacuum. She and Allyssa get along fabulously and even though there are about 17 days out of the month when one or more of us is a bundle of emotions, there has been no blood shed. I get up and make her breakfast and lunch every day and see her off to work, (even though she wakes up over an hour before I do) and I have even done her laundry a time or two. So I feel like I am doing okay at this marriage thing.

I know it takes allot more than sharing, making lunch and doing laundry but we did celebrate our one month anniversary with some great food on the grill and some good wine, so we must be doing something right.

One month down and only 720 more (give or take a few) to go!